I Think It’s Time to Go See the “Lady,” But How?

What It Really Means to Start (or Restart) Therapy

Therapy. A word that over the years has been seen in various lights. We've seen it being used as a tool for survival, as well as a tool for condemnation. In the Black community, we have seen therapy being weaponized historically and oftentimes disregarded. Over the years, through media and social discourse, we have started to see a change in the dialect surrounding advocating for mental health awareness and attending therapy. As we encompass a more wellness-focused dynamic, though, the question remains, " How do I even start therapy?" As you go forth on your journey of actually talking to "the lady", here are some answers to the questions that may be keeping you away from starting your therapeutic journey.

Where do I even find a therapist?

Thanks to the internet, finding a therapist has become as easy as ordering an Uber. Now, just like an Uber, you may not like the driver, but that doesn't mean that you c

an't try again! Sites like PsychologyToday, TherapyforBlackGirls, Black Female Therapist, and Open Path Collective, to name a few, make finding the therapist for you 1000% times easier. Depending on the type of therapist you are looking for, all of these site boasts finders that allow you to find the therapists that fit for you. The thing about finding the right therapist is that it is very similar to dating. You may not be committed to the first therapist you see, for whatever reason that you find, but it doesn't mean that you don't keep trying. When seeking a therapist, I recommend booking a free consultation (which most therapists offer) to see if you all make a good match. In the next point, we will get into which questions you should ask!

What should I be asking a therapist to know if they are the right fit?

Some questions to ask that may be helpful when speaking to a therapist for the first time should surround the type of therapy that you hope to seek. Here are a few examples of questions that may help you in finding the "right" therapist for you:

• How do you conduct therapy?

• What techniques do you typically use?

• Are you culturally competent?

• Will sessions be online, in person, or both?

• What licenses do you hold? (ex: APC, LPC, LCSW, LMFT)

• Do you take my preferred payment? (insurance, self-pay, sliding scale, HSA, FSA)

• Do you have the availability to see me?

What should I expect in my first session?

Your first session is really just a conversation. Think of it as orientation, not an interrogation. You’re getting to know the therapist, and they’re getting to know you, your story, your goals, what’s been heavy, what’s been hopeful. You do not have to spill your whole life in 50 minutes. Your only job is to show up as you are. Most therapists will ask about what brought you to therapy, what you want to work on, and what support looks like for you. And yes, it may feel awkward at first — new things usually do. But with time, that room (or that screen) becomes a space where you get to breathe.

What if I don’t like my therapist?

This is a big one, especially in communities where we’ve been taught to “stick it out” even when something isn’t serving us. Here’s the truth: you are allowed to change therapists. You don’t owe anyone an explanation, an apology, or a paragraph. If something feels off, the vibe, their approach, their communication, their availability, you can simply say, “I’d like to try a different fit.” The goal of therapy is healing, not enduring. Just like dating, the right person exists; sometimes it takes a few tries.

How do I know if therapy is working?

Therapy “working” doesn’t mean you suddenly love journaling, stop crying, or become a brand-new version of yourself overnight. Growth is often slow, quiet, and sometimes sneaky. You might notice you’re not reacting the same way to things that used to set you off. You may feel more grounded, more aware, more in control. Or maybe you’re communicating more clearly, setting a boundary, or resting without guilt. If you’re showing up, being honest, and allowing yourself to be supported, it’s working.

So… how do you actually start therapy?

You start by permitting yourself. Permission to be seen. Permission to ask for help. Permission to choose yourself even when it feels unfamiliar. Therapy isn’t about being “broken”, it’s about being human. And as a community, we deserve spaces that honor our humanity, our complexity, our culture, and our healing.

Whether you’re therapy-curious, therapy-ready, or therapy-avoidant-but-thinking-about-it, this is your sign that you’re allowed to take the next step. Find a therapist who feels aligned, ask the questions that matter, and trust that you are worthy of support.

Your healing doesn’t have to be perfect; it just has to be yours.