I Think It’s Time to Go See the “Lady,” But How?

What It Really Means to Start (or Restart) Therapy

Therapy. It's a word that has evolved over the years. We've seen it used as a tool for survival and, at times, as a source of condemnation. In the Black community, therapy has often been misunderstood and even weaponized. However, as we embrace a more wellness-focused mindset, the conversation around mental health is changing. The question remains: How do I even start therapy?

As you embark on this journey, let’s explore some answers to the questions that might be holding you back from starting your therapeutic adventure.

Where do I even find a therapist?

Thanks to the internet, finding a therapist is as easy as ordering an Uber. Just like with rideshare, you might not click with the first therapist you meet, but that’s okay! Websites like PsychologyToday, TherapyforBlackGirls, Black Female Therapist, and Open Path Collective make it easier than ever to find the right therapist for you.

Think of finding the right therapist like dating. You don’t have to commit to the first one you see. Instead, try out a few until you find the right fit. I recommend booking a free consultation, which most therapists offer. This way, you can see if you connect well.

What should I be asking a therapist to know if they are the right fit?

When you speak to a therapist for the first time, it’s essential to ask the right questions. Here are some helpful examples:

• How do you conduct therapy?

• What techniques do you typically use?

• Are you culturally competent?

• Will sessions be online, in person, or both?

• What licenses do you hold? (e.g., APC, LPC, LCSW, LMFT)

• Do you accept my preferred payment method? (insurance, self-pay, sliding scale, HSA, FSA)

• Do you have availability to see me?

  
  

These questions can help you gauge whether the therapist aligns with your needs.

What should I expect in my first session?

Your first session is really just a conversation. Think of it as an orientation, not an interrogation. You’re getting to know the therapist, and they’re getting to know you—your story, your goals, and what’s been heavy on your heart.

You don’t have to share everything in those 50 minutes. Your only job is to show up as you are. Most therapists will ask what brought you to therapy and what you want to work on. Yes, it might feel awkward at first—new things usually do. But over time, that room (or screen) can become a space where you can truly breathe.

What if I don’t like my therapist?

This is a significant concern, especially in communities where we’ve been taught to “stick it out” even when something isn’t serving us. Here’s the truth: you are allowed to change therapists. You don’t owe anyone an explanation or an apology. If something feels off—whether it’s the vibe, their approach, or their communication—you can simply say, “I’d like to try a different fit.”

The goal of therapy is healing, not enduring. Just like in dating, the right person is out there; it may just take a few tries to find them.

How do I know if therapy is working?

Therapy “working” doesn’t mean you’ll suddenly love journaling or stop crying overnight. Growth is often slow, quiet, and sometimes sneaky. You might notice you’re reacting differently to things that used to set you off. You may feel more grounded, more aware, and more in control.

Perhaps you’re communicating more clearly, setting boundaries, or resting without guilt. If you’re showing up, being honest, and allowing yourself to be supported, then it’s working.

So… how do you actually start therapy?

You start by giving yourself permission. Permission to be seen. Permission to ask for help. Permission to choose yourself, even when it feels unfamiliar. Therapy isn’t about being “broken”; it’s about being human. We all deserve spaces that honor our humanity, complexity, culture, and healing.

Whether you’re therapy-curious, therapy-ready, or therapy-avoidant-but-thinking-about-it, this is your sign to take the next step. Find a therapist who feels aligned, ask the questions that matter, and trust that you are worthy of support.

Your healing doesn’t have to be perfect; it just has to be yours.

Embracing the Journey

Starting therapy can feel daunting, but remember, it’s a journey toward understanding yourself better. Each step you take is a step toward healing.

The Importance of Self-Compassion

As you navigate this process, practice self-compassion. It’s okay to feel nervous or uncertain. Acknowledge those feelings without judgment. You’re taking a brave step, and that’s something to celebrate.

Building a Support System

Consider building a support system around you. Talk to friends or family who understand your journey. Share your feelings and experiences. Having a network can provide comfort and encouragement as you explore therapy.

Setting Realistic Expectations

Set realistic expectations for your therapeutic journey. Change takes time, and it’s essential to be patient with yourself. Celebrate small victories along the way. Each session is a step forward, even when it feels like progress is slow.

The Power of Vulnerability

Embrace vulnerability. It’s a strength, not a weakness. Opening up in therapy can lead to profound insights and growth. Allow yourself to be vulnerable with your therapist; it’s a safe space for exploration.

Finding Joy in the Process

Lastly, find joy in the process. Therapy can be challenging, but it can also be rewarding. Discover what brings you joy outside of therapy and incorporate those activities into your life. Balance is key.

Remember, you’re not alone on this journey. Many have walked this path before you, and countless others will follow. Your courage to seek help is a testament to your strength. Embrace this journey of self-discovery and healing. You deserve it.

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